A shot in the heart
by Thecricketsarecalling
Summary: Pam and Ryan decide to risk everything and start a relationship. Little do they do fate has other plans.
1. Chapter 1

_**2007**_

_**The ambulance began pulling away. Everyone crowded together as the police cruiser lights flashed before them. Pam stood there in complete shock, blood stained on her blouse.**_

_**Jim slowly walked over, placing his hand on her shoulder.**_

"_**Pam?"**_

_**Pam watched the ambulance pull away before she stiffened a cry and broke down.**_

_**Earlier that day…**_

"Pam I'm gonna cum!"

Pam laid underneath Ryan as he dully thrusted inside of her, their bodies pressed together as Pam grabbed onto his arched shoulder blades. Pam snapped her eyes shut before she shook her head, drops of sweat beginning to roll down her forehead.

"No, don't hold on…"

She said, barley above a whisper. Pam had never had such good sex in her entire life. In total she had only three lovers in her life. The first was junior year of high school when she lost her virginity. It was a boy she had dated for a few months named Mark. He moved away to Maine the next summer. That experience had been messy, embarrassing, and in the backseat of his Honda Civic. The next had been Roy who she had been with for nearly eight years. Sex with Roy was rough, boring, and dull.

Now there was Ryan.

A smile curved up on her face as she tilted her head back.

Sure back when she was into Jim she used to wonder what it would be like to be with him. Now nearly a whole year since she finally woke up to the fact that she had feeling for him, here she was the happiest she had ever been.

Ryan was amazing in bed.

She learned that the night of the Dundies.

"Pam I can't…I…"

He said in a breathless voice, all at once he strongly climaxed and buried his head against her neck. Staring at his thick black hair, she deeply inhaled the cologne he was wearing and shut her eyes smiling. Her entire body felt like they were on pins and needles.

Ryan tried catching his breath as he laid against Pam. Laying in their apartment, Pam stared up at the ceiling before her eyes drifted over to the window. The early morning sky looked overcast and gray.

As if it was going to snow any second.

"Ah fuck!"

Pam raised an eyebrow before felling Ryan pull himself out of her. As always whenever he did this she got the sense of fading, and emptiness. A feeling she hadn't gotten with any other man. Ryan sat up before looking down at himself and a disgusted look spread across his face.

Pam sat up, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"What?"

A snapping sound filled the bedroom before Ryan made a face and showed her in his cupped hand.

"The condom broke!"

Pam burst out laughing as Ryan leaned over and tossed it into the wastepaper basket near the nightstand.

"Gross…"

Pam started laughing even harder before covering her face with her hands, trying to hide the giggled. Ryan looked down at the bed.

"It got all over our sheets!"

Pam looked before laughing even harder. Ryan broke out a smile before grinning. Playfully hitting her arm, she rolled on top of him and began covering him with kisses. Wrapping his arms around her, both laughed before Ryan glanced at the clock radio.

"Hey we better start getting ready, we'll be late."

"Yeah we don't want to miss Angela's Nutcracker Christmas Party."

Pam laughed, burying her head against his chest before Ryan kissed her strongly against the lips.

Both showered together until the water turned freezing cold. Pam did her makeup beside Ryan who shaved. After dressing, both grabbed their things and began walking out the front door as Ryan handed Pam her coat. Both were laughing and remembering last year's party where Michael originally got Ryan an I-pod.

As they locked the door behind them and slipped their hands into each other. Ryan's free hand dug into his pocket and felt the small black velvet box he was planning on giving Pam later tonight. Smiling, he looked as her as they started down towards the parking-lot.

Unknown to the both them…their perfect life's they had built for each other would soon be shattered at this very Christmas party they were heading to.

**2006**

Pam giggled happily on the bench outside of Chill's. It was mid September and a gentle chill had settled in the night air. Jim was pacing back and forth near the entrance on his cell phone. Pam overheard him talking to Katy, the girl who had stopped by the office selling horrible knock off purses last month. The two had been seeing each other off and on. Even in her heavy state of drunkenness Pam felt a tiny ping at the bottom of her stomach. Just then Angela walked out beyond annoyed with Meredith, Kevin, his fiancé' Stacey and Devin who looked almost just as sloshed as her. Jim then noticed and quickly mumbled something into his phone about calling right back before snapping it shut.

"Hey Angela got room for one more. I don't think Pam is up to driving and Roy took the car."

Angela shot him a look before fishing into her purse for her keys.

"My car is full, everyone always expects me to be the taxi. Why don't you drive her?"

Jim went to say something when Ryan walked over, hands stuffed in his pockets after helping Dwight and Michael load up the car with tonight's show props.

"I'll drive her."

Jim and Angela looked over surprised.

"Hey man, you don't have to. I mean I had a couple but…"

Ryan shrugged.

"She spending the night at Roy's or her place?"

Jim stared blankly before turning around to Pam who was just beginning to make an attempt to stand up.

"Hey Pam you crashing at Roy's tonight?"

Pam made a face before waving her hand.

"No, I'm going to my apartment. Screw Roy Anderson!"

She yelled before cracking up completely. Ryan watched her, a smile spreading across his face while his big blue eyes seemed amused.

"Her place is on Westin right?"

"Right."

"That's right near my place, works out perfect."

"Thanks man, I'm really sorry I would drive but…"

His words trailed off as he leaned in closer to Ryan.

"I'm meeting a girl after this and…"

"No problem man, it's fine. Besides I'm sure it will be a highly entertaining ride over."

Jim smiled before patting Ryan on the shoulder.

"Thanks Ryan."

"No problem."

Jim turned around before making a face at Pam who was still laughing.

"Well Ms. Beesly, I guess I'll see you Monday?"

Pam looked up before waving.

"Bye Jim!"

Holding her Dundle she cheered as Ryan went over and hooked his arm with hers. Pam began to cheer and laugh loudly as she walked by Angela.

"Best dundies ever!"

Angela rolled her eyes as she lead her group towards her car. Jim watched Ryan and Pam walk into the parking-lot for a second before smiling. Shaking his head he started towards his car.

Pam meanwhile was happily trying to sing 'Tiny Dancer' in a cracked and off key voice. Ryan laughed before opening his passenger door and helping her inside. Pam feel back into the seat hard, cracking up as Ryan grinned, looking down amused.

"You okay there chief?"

Pam looked up and started laughing even harder, her face bright red.

"I'm so drunk…"

Ryan laughed before nodding.

"Yes you are…need help there?"

Pam was trying to pull her seatbelt across her but struggled to lock it. Pam lowered her head, her entire body shaking as she continued to laugh. Ryan grinned before leaning in right across her, their faces just inches away from each other. Pam's laughs settled down as Ryan hooked the belt and locked it in place. Turning his head slightly his blue eyes locked with her gray ones.

"All set?"

Pam stared at him, a smile on her face.

"All set."

Ryan back out, shutting her door and went around to his side. Within a minute he started the engine and carefully backed out as Pam reached down on the floor and started laughing again. Ryan looked over.

"What?"

She held up his dundie.

"I can't believe you got this!"

Ryan looked over, slightly embarrassed before trying to smile. He started out of the parking-lot as began driving on the main road.

"Yep that's me hottest in the office."

Pam laughed before slapping his shoulder.

"I think Michael has a little crush on you."

Ryan laughed.

"You think? Have you seen the way he stares at me."

Pam kept laughing and Ryan joined in. As they drove together they talked about tonight and what a scene Michael made. Pam claimed if she laughed any harder her stomach would hurt. Ryan couldn't stop grinning himself as he turned on the radio softly as music played as they talked. Both hardly knew each other, just distant co-workers who were just beginning to know each other.

She answered phones and he was the temp.

They barley said anything to each other besides a casual hello. Now here they were driving together and laughing like two old friends. Ryan began to tease Pam about her falling off the bar stool and Dwight trying to take his shirt off. Pam laughed shaking her head.

"Did that really happen?"

Ryan nodded smiling.

Pam shook her head.

"Oh my God I'm so drunk…"

Ryan laughed.

"Yeah I'm pretty buzzed myself but I have a little thing we like to call self-control."

Pam stuck her tongue out at him before Ryan asked which street to pull into. A few minutes later they were right in front of Pam's apartment building. Pulling up, Ryan accidently hit the curb making Pam crack up again. Ryan killed the engine.

"Let me help you to your door."

Pam waved her hand, her words slurring.

"I'm fine…"

Ryan gave Pam a look.

"Pam you can barely stand up on two feet, come on."

He helped her up the pathway and inside, his hand firmly around her waist as her feet stumbled. In the elevator Pam lost her footing and both almost went crashing into the mirrored wall. Both couldn't stop laughing and joked that they were going to wake everyone up in the building. Once they reached Pam's floor, she fished into her purse searching for her keys as Ryan held onto her dundie. Taking them out, Pam looked at him.

"Say…I'm still pretty wired. How about I make us a pot of coffee before you head out again?"

"That's okay Pam, I'm good to drive."

"Come on one cup. Please?"

Ryan smiled.

"All right."

Pam unlocked the door and lead him into her small and simple apartment. It was well kept and the curtains looked homemade. Pam flicked on the lights before dropping her purse and telling Ryan to make himself at home. Heading to the kitchen, she glanced over her shoulder watching Ryan take his coat off before walking into her small living room.

Ryan stood there for a second before blinking.

"Wow…I think maybe I'm drunker then I thought."

Pam laughed as she searched for the coffee tin.

"How did you drive then?"

Ryan shrugged.

"Maybe it's my college days of drinking that helped us get back in one piece."

Pam laughed before finding her coffee tin was completely empty.

"Shit!"

Ryan walked into the kitchen, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"What?"

Pam showed him the empty tin and laughed.

"I could of sworn I bought a new tin last week. Sorry."

Ryan waved his hand.

"No big deal."

Pam walked over to her freezer and opened it. Grinning she took out a bottle of vodka.

"How about another drink?"

Ryan laughed shaking his head.

"Listen, I'm trying to get home in one piece…"

"Come on, what's that saying…can't drive you might as well drink?"

Ryan laughed.

"My place isn't that far, besides I shouldn't listen to a the girl who can no longer go inside another Chills on the East Coast."

Pam laughed.

"Come on, one drink. Besides my couch folds out into a bed…"

Ryan shook his head smiling.

"No, I'm fine Pam, thanks."

"Come on I'll wake you up real early. You don't have someplace to go do you?"

Ryan shook his head.

"No, it's just…what if Roy stop by. The temp past out drunk on your couch doesn't look that good."

Pam smiled before holding the bottle.

"Screw Roy, come on let's have a drink."

Ryan smiled.

The rest of the night was really a blur. Pam got her shot glasses that were stored away under the sink. The two sat in the living room, doing shots and laughing. Pam never felt so comfortable in her entire life. The two sat on her sofa, talking movies, music, and mostly work. Ryan told her how he was applying to business school, and Pam showed him some of her sketches.

Ryan seemed very impressed.

As the night worn on, and the bottle began lower and lower everything seemed to fade together.

The last thing Pam truly remembered was finishing the bottle of Ryan and both laughing as they held onto each other on the sofa. She remembered looking up into his wife blue eyes and thinking…

"Wow, he's really cute…"

These thoughts were broken when Pam's eyes fluttered open. Right away it seemed like too much light. Her head throbbing, she shut her eyes again and sighed. Taking a second, she rubbed her face before feeling the all ready aching hangover she was starting to get wash over her.

She felt horrible.

She was in her bedroom, it was morning and the sun was shining in through the windows.

Just then an arm reached across her. At first Pam had this crazy thought it was Roy. Then blurry images of last night appeared to her.

Kissing someone, unbuckling a belt, feeling hands go up her blouse, and stumbling down the hallway.

Blinking, she looked over and saw Ryan sleeping beside her.

Pam's heart froze. Her eyes widening, she stared at him.

Her breath caught.

This couldn't be happening…

Why couldn't she remember?

Just then his eyes opened, looking so gorgeous in the early morning light. He stared at her, just as stunned.

Just then Pam heard the front door open.

"Hey Pam! You awake?!"

It was Roy.


	2. Chapter 2

_**2007**_

The inside of Ryan's car was fogging up. Pam leaned against the seat, her arms wrapped around Ryan's neck as their mouths opened and closed. The radio was softly playing 'Jingle Bells' and Pam felt herself getting worked up. Ryan's hand slid under her shirt and a grin appeared on her face.

"Hey buddy, we better slow down, we're probably giving everybody a show here."

Ryan laughed as they pulled apart, grabbing her things Pam snapped off the radio before quickly checking herself in the rearview mirror. Grabbing their stuff, they began to get out.

At that exact moment Karen and Jim were getting out of their cars. Right away Karen walked over, kissing Jim on the cheek.

"Hey you."

Jim smiled kissing her back before noticing Ryan and Pam get out of their car. Snow was all ready beginning to gently fall from the overcast sky and the weather reports said they expected at least four feet before nightfall.

It seemed like it was going to be another white Christmas indeed.

Of course as always, Dunder Mifflin hadn't closed. Their employee's safety really wasn't the first thing that came to mind. Walking with Karen to the entrance he watched Ryan and Pam who were playfully throwing tiny little snowballs at each other.

As they walked in, they had no idea what horrible events would follow.

_**2006**_

"Hey Pam! You awake?!"

Pam's eyes widened, now she was fully awake. Ryan froze beside her as Roy's voice echoed through her apartment. Right away last night's events came back to her. They had been drinking, laughing, and then…

Her head hurt so bad she couldn't even stand it.

Right away Pam threw back the comforter, and saw she was completely naked.

Flashes appeared before her eyes, ones of Ryan and her stumbling down the hallway, knocking into things and laughing. Her head began to hurt again. Grabbing one of her t-shirts, she quickly pulled it over her head, too embarrassed and hung-over to really care that Ryan was looking. The T-shirt barley went down above her knees but it would have to do.

Turning she pointed to the bathroom.

"Go in there!"

She harshly whispered. Ryan who was barley awake himself, quickly listened and stood up. He was just in his boxers. Grabbing his clothes, he ran to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Pam stood there in complete panic, her heart racing in her chest as she stared at the closed door.

She remembered how the two of them fell backwards on her bed, both laughing and drunk. She remembered how nice it felt for just one second to forget about her worries. To just let something happen and not think twice.

Just then, Roy appeared in the open doorway. He looked pretty hung-over himself and a scruffy signs of a beard was beginning to show. Standing there, Pam froze before locking eyes with him.

"Roy…"

"You look horrible."

Pam sighed, leave it to Roy Anderson not to beat around the bush.

"Yeah I guess I had a little too much to drink last night."

Roy shook his head walking in.

"Listen I wanted to talk to you about that. I really don't like the fact you make scenes in front of Darryl. May I remind you that I'm the man in this relationship? I'm sick and tired having to hear you nag and bitch to me just because you want to hang out with your little office friends!"

His voice began to raise, causing Pam to jump back a little bit. She hated whenever he yelled. Completely forgetting about Ryan in the bathroom or how scared she was she watched as Roy walked closer to her, his eyes wild.

"So next time you feel the need to let me know what you want, why don't you keep your fucking mouth shut!"

"Roy!"

Roy raised his hand and slapped Pam straight across the face. His hand stung Pam's skin, causing it to redden right away. Crying, her face went to the side just as the bathroom door opened. Ryan had only gotten into his slacks so far. Right away he saw what had happened, his eyes in disbelief.

Roy turned.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"

Roy grabbed Pam's wrist, hard enough to break it.

"YOU FUCKED THIS LITTLE LOSER! YOU LITTLE SLUT!"

Pam cried out just as Ryan charged forward, tackling Roy straight to the ground. Pam jumped up, watching as Ryan threw Roy down on the hardwood floor. It would have been comical if it was any other time, seeing Ryan who barley stood above 5'7 and must of weighed around 135 at the most attack Roy who was three times his size. Ryan straddled Roy, pushing down on his shoulders as Roy fought him. Both men struggled on the floor before Pam heard Ryan yell…

"You can do whatever you want but never hit her! Never!"

Pam watched as Ryan swung at Roy's face, running for the phone she dialed 911.

_**Fifteen minutes later.**_

Pam and Ryan watched as Roy was lead out in handcuffs to the police cruiser that was parked by the curb outside. Pam was sure her neighbors would have plenty to talk in the next board meeting. The police officer questioned them before asking if Pam wanted to press charges. Looking at Roy in the cruiser both locked eyes for a moment before Pam wiggled off her engagement ring. Throwing it to the ground she shook her head.

"No."

The police officer nodded before thanking them and walking away.

The second the cruiser drove off Pam burst into tears. Gently, Ryan's arms went around her shoulders.

"Shhhh, it's all right."

Pam stared down at the lawn where her engagement ring laid. Part of her felt relieved, but another part of her felt horrible. She didn't want things to end like this. Looking down at herself, she almost died. She had come out in just a T-shirt, one that barley covered her at the most. Sighing, she rubbed her hands over her face and felt horrible.

That's when she felt Ryan's arm around her for the first time, even though it had been there for the last few minutes. It didn't feel awkward, or weird at all. In fact…it felt nice. Standing there with him she saw his bottom lip was swelling from the fight. Still she was in complete awe that Ryan had been able to hold his own until the police came.

"We better get upstairs, get some ice for that."

Ryan's finger tips touched his swelling lip and smiled.

"I have a better idea, come on let's get changed."

_**One hour later.**_

Pam who was dressed in sweats and a hoddie sat across from Ryan who has put his button up shirt on, his black jacket laying beside him. Both sat at a small coffee shop where Ryan insisted on buying Pam breakfast. Both were waiting for their food but enjoying cup after cup of black coffee.

Pam's head still dully ached.

"You okay?"

Ryan asked. A small cup of ice cubes were beside him. He took one out and gently pressed it again his lip. Pam sat there, looking around. There was hardly anyone there this early Saturday morning.

"I guess it just finally hit me that it's finally over."

"Is that what you wanted?"

Pam thought about this for a moment before slowly nodding.

"Yeah…for a while now."

"Why didn't you leave him earlier?"

Pam shrugged, moving her coffee mug slightly with her hands.

"I guess because it's what everyone expected me to do. We had been together for nearly eight years. But every time I really thought of marrying him I got sick to my stomach…"

"Maybe it was meant to be. You really didn't want to live the rest of your life unhappy…did you Pam?"

She shook her head.

"I was just scared…now that I know it's over it just seems to strange."

Ryan stared at her before Pam's voice lowered.

"He never hit me before Ryan. If he had I would of left him a long time ago. This was the first time…"

Ryan nodded before the waitress came over and refilled their coffees, telling them their food would be right out. Once she was gone Pam shut her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"Oh God everyone is going to be talking about me on Monday…"

Ryan snorted a little before shaking his head.

"I'm sure they won't.."

Pam looked at him before Ryan smiled.

"Maybe a little."

Pam found herself slightly smiling back. Looking down at her now bare fingers, she shook her head.

"It's going to be so weird. He'll be in the warehouse…I'll be upstairs. Maybe I should quit."

Ryan smiled.

"He won't bother you, he's all ready in enough trouble."

Pam nodded before looking straight at him. She was taken aback yet again by how blue his eyes were. She couldn't believe they had worked beside each other for this long and now here they finally were. Sighing she stared at him.

"Well I guess I better just say it out loud before this morning gets any stranger. We slept together."

Ryan who was in the middle of taking a sip of his coffee nearly choked. Lowering the mug he blinked at her for a few seconds before smiling, a little taken back.

"Yes we did…"

"Do you remember anything?"

Ryan shrugged.

"I haven't drank that much since I was in college. I really should have gone home…"

"Yeah…but then again who would of saved me from my crazy fiancé'."

Ryan snorted.

"Yeah, I guess there's a bright side."

Pam covered her face with her hands and sighed deeply.

"God this is embarrassing…"

Ryan gave a shy smile before nodding.

"Yeah I know what you mean. I've only been here for a year and I don't think we've said more than ten words to each other at a time."

Pam smiled.

"I know. Funny how life is. Teaches you not to drink."

Ryan smirked.

"Come on, I couldn't have been that bad."

Pam laughed and somehow it was okay between the two of them.

Once their food arrived somehow saying it out in the open helped things. Both knew they had gotten drunk and had sex. It wasn't something to be proud of, mostly because both barley remembered the night before…but they seemed okay with it. Ryan took Pam's mind off the morning by asking her a few questions, usual questions you would know about someone after working beside them for a year.

Pam talked a little about art, a few of her favorite things, and of course work.

Ryan told her about business school again, and both had yet another good laugh over Michael's little man crush on him. They joked, laughed, and even looked each other in the eye…thinking the same thing.

"We had sex last night."

But still, it didn't seem strange.

Finally an hour later, Ryan drove Pam back to her apartment.

"Here's my cell number, in case Roy tries anything…I don't think he will but here."

Ryan handed her a Dunder Mifflin card he kept in his wallet, his number written on the back from a pen he had on the dashboard. Pam took it and smiled.

"Thanks Ryan. Again I'm really sorry."

Ryan smiled.

"It's all right. As strange as this sounds…this has been the happiest I've been in a long time."

Pam thought about this for a second, thinking deeply before nodding.

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean."

"So are things going to be awkward between us two now? I mean on Monday?"

Pam smiled before pushing some of her fallen hair away from her face.

"Besides everyone finding out and Roy trying to kill us? I don't think so."

Ryan smiled before Pam decided to add something in. Something she would of never dreamt of saying before.

"You might catch me staring at you of course. Trying to remember exactly what you looked like without your clothes on."

Ryan burst out laughing, blushing a little as Pam laughed along with him. Before getting out, she leaned over and kissed his now slightly scruffy cheek.

"Bye Ryan."

Ryan watched her go, almost in awe over what happened.

Once she was inside her apartment, she locked the door and just stood there. She saw the empty vodka bottle on the living room table. Sighing, she walked over before seeing a framed photograph of Roy and her. Turning it over, she made a face and saw what looked to be a million messages on her machine. Shaking her head, she decided not to bother. She knew they would all be from Roy.

Walking into her bedroom, she stripped her clothes off and slipped into bed where faintly the sheets and pillows still smelled like Ryan's cologne. Enjoying the smell, she buried her face into the pillow and tried to drift off to sleep.

But she couldn't.

Her mind kept searching for exactly what happened last night.

She remembered how much his hands were shaking, how they fell onto the bed, and how while it happening she felt the safest she ever had in her entire life. At that exact moment Ryan was driving home himself. His face hurt like hell, and he was still pretty hung-over. Eyeing his Dundie in the backseat of his car he thought of Pam and smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

_**2007**_

Ryan walked over to Pam's desk, hands stuffed in his pockets and a large grin spread across his face. Pam was busy using an alcohol wipe to scrub at the top counter of her desk where her candy dishes were. Ryan laughed, leaning against it

"So, saw Dwight hit a goose. Hungry?"

Pam shot Ryan a look before laughing herself and blowing some fallen strands of her hair away from her face.

"That was so gross…"

Just then Angela coughed, making sure Pam heard her since the new party panning committee was gathering in the meeting room. Pam rolled her eyes.

"I better go and plan A Nutcracker Christmas."

Ryan playfully snapped in the air.

"Aw damn, too bad I got kicked off the committee."

Pam smiled, walking around her desk before pulling Ryan's tie closer to her. Both were barley an inch away from each other before she kissed him right on the lips. Smiling through the kiss she wiggled his nose against his.

"Quit being cute."

Ryan laughed, before playfully swatting her on the behind. Pam giggled before walking into the meeting room. Just then Jim glanced up, trying his hardest to ignore them. Ryan watched Pam, smiling before taking a seat at his desk.

Just then as he wheeled his chair further against his desk the small black box fell out of his coat pocket. It rolled against the carpet floor and both men's eyes looked down at it. Ryan quickly blushed before shoving the box back into his pocket quickly.

Jim stared at him for a second before turning to his computer.

Ryan was going to propose…

Ryan was going to propose to the woman he really loved.

_**2006**_

_**Two weeks later**_

The following Monday, after the huge scene caused in Pam's apartment, he showed up bright and early right before Pam was headed to work. He swore, he screamed, he told Pam he couldn't believe she had slept with the temp, and that she was nothing but trash. Pam couldn't believe as they yelled at each other at her engagement ring was still laying in the dew covered grass. Picking it up she smiled before throwing it at him.

"Here, see nobody wants it."

And that was that.

Roy's mother of course left a very hateful filled message, but Pam deleted it as soon as it came over her answer machine. Heading to work, her stomach was a wreck, and her nerves on edge. Walking inside, only a few people had arrived so far.

Jim was one of them. Strolling over he smiled.

"Hey you…so how was the hangover?"

Pam took a second to know exactly what he meant before his eyes dropped and noticed her bare finger.

"Hey…"

Before he could finish, Ryan strolled in wearing his rain trench coat. Setting down his messenger bag down, he strolled on over standing beside Jim. Pam right away was taken aback by how oddly handsome he seemed this early morning. Looking at him she couldn't believe what had happened between the two of them this past weekend. Staring at him, she vaguely remembered the sex they shared, and how alcohol really was the devil when it came to remembering.

"Hey Pam, I was wondering do you wanna grab lunch with me today?"

Pam barley was able to glance up at him before nervously smiling.

Nobody knew…

Roy hadn't caused a scene, nobody from warehouse was bothering her, and she was finally free. After a three year in engagement after one drunken night she was finally free.

Staring at Ryan, almost right away the most overwhelming feeling came over her. She found him very attractive and sweet and thought what a shame it was that the two had barley spoke in the year they had worked together.

Her eyes barley met Jim's before nodding.

"Yeah…sure."

Grinning, Ryan smiled before heading to his desk. Jim's eyes bugged out before he leaned forward.

"What did I miss?"

Pam sighed before holding up her bare hand.

"I should tell you before it spreads through the office…Roy and I broke up."

"WHAT?"

Pam suddenly felt a little sick. Taking a deep breath she nodded.

"It's a long story, tell you later?"

Jim looked over his shoulder and watched Ryan begin to take his coat off at his desk. Feeling uneasy, he simply nodded before Michael and Dwight came in.

Now three weeks later it was the night of Sexual Harassment Day. Exhausted, Pam and her mother were enjoying a nice dinner downtown. The two were catching up, and of course Pam's mother was listening to her and offering support.

Pam sipped her wine before shrugging.

"I really don't know when I stopped loving him. I guess I just stayed because it felt right."

"Your happy you made this choice aren't you?"

Pam nodded.

"I mean, I would of rather it happen some other way. God knows how much everyone is talking behind my back…but for the first time I don't care."

Pam's mother smiled.

"I haven't seen you this happy in a while Pam."

Pam smiled looking at her.

"You don't think I'm a bad person?"

Pam's mother reached across the table and squeezed her daughter's hand.

"Of course not. You have your whole life ahead of you. Pam…you deserve to me happy."

"You don't think I'm moving too fast?"

"Never. I"

Pam felt like crying, but smiled back at her mother and felt extremely loved. Just then a voice approached them.

"Sorry I'm late. Michael had me run out and grab him a bucket of chicken before I could leave."

Pam right away smiled as her and her mother looked up. Ryan walked over. Slightly out of breath he pulled his jacket off before offering his hand to Pam's mother who laughed.

"Hello Ryan."

Ryan smiled back before sitting down and peeking Pam on the cheek.

Pam's mother had visited the officer earlier and that's where she was finally able to meet the guy named Ryan who had suddenly taken Jim's place in most of Pam's conversations about work. The guy she had accidently slept with, but now had developed pretty strong feelings for. It seemed so strange, yet so right.

When they met, Ryan rose from his desk smiling before shaking her hand.

"You must be Ryan."

Ryan blushed before looking at Pam who nervously stood behind them watching.

"Yep, that's me. Pleased to meet you Mrs. Beesly."

Ryan and Pam had been seeing each other ever since he asked her out to lunch that following Monday. It wasn't official, since Pam didn't think they should rush into things, but that afternoon in which they sat together having lunch Ryan looked up and asked her an honest question.

"Do you regret it?"

Pam thought about this for a while before shaking her head.

"No, I don't."

Ryan smiled before looking at her, his eyes slightly uneasy.

"Pam, I know this is fast but…would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Pam was caught off guard by this question. In just the matter of forty-eight hours she had broken off her three year engagement to Roy, and now had an unknown future head of her. Staring at him, she smiled.

"I would love to."

Right away his eyes lit up.

"Really?"

Pam smiled.

"Really."

When they came back that afternoon Kelly nearly tackled her when she got through the front door. Ryan behind her.

"Oh my God did something happen with you and Roy?"

Pam saw all eyes were on her before she nodded. Embarrassed, but knowing it would be better if she just told the truth. Sighing she nodded.

"Yeah, I broke off the engagement."

Kelly gasped, causing even more heads to turn. Just then Phyllis looked over.

"What happened?"

Pam hated the fact all eyes were on her. Shrugging she stood there, trying to find the right words.

"I guess I was just unhappy. I told him the truth and that was that."

Dwight who was sitting at his desk raised an eyebrow.

"Is that why Roy quit today?"

Kelly gasped again as everyone eyed each other.

"Oh my God! He quit!"

Just then Michael walked out of his office.

"What's going on?"

"Pam and Roy broke up!"

Kelly said, her hands clutched to her head. Pam stood there wanting to die as Jim simply watched from his desk, really unable to say anything. Michael looked shocked.

"Oh my God! It's because I didn't give you the longest engagement Dundie this year! That's why it happened!"

Just then Ryan walked over, his hand touching the small of Pam's back. Hardly anyone noticed other than Jim.

"Yeah Michael, I'm sure that's why."

Ryan answered. Pam looked at him with thankful eyes before everyone went back to what they were doing.

Pam decided to hide out at her desk and try her hardest to avoid any more questions. Michael came over, squeezing her hand and telling her in the most serious tone if she needed anyone to talk to he was here. Pam held back from laughing and simply nodded before thanking him.

Glancing over at Ryan, he winked at her.

Pam smiled, somehow feeling much better.

An hour later Jim got her alone in the staff kitchen and began asking a million questions a minute. Pam felt flustered and for the first time ever, she found it almost hard to talk to Jim. Sighing, she stared at him.

"Can I tell you something you can't tell anyone?"

She asked in a low tone voice. Jim nodded quickly.

"Of course."

Biting down on her bottom lip she lowered her voice barely above a whisper.

"Something happened Friday night."

Jim raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

Pam looked on both sides of the staff kitchen door, nobody was passing by. In fact everyone was working away behind their desks. Pam's voice lowered even more.

"Ryan and I slept together."

Jim just stared at her, as if she had thrown a bucket of freezing cold water on top of him. He blinked, able to say anything.

"What?"

Pam felt slightly ashamed, even though the entire day she sat behind her desk starting across at Ryan, having the most overwhelming and strangest feelings overcome over. Looking at Jim she nodded.

"We went back to my place, had a few more drinks and that's how Roy found us. I can barely remember anything but Roy slapped me and Ryan charged at him. I thought for a second he was going to kill him. I called the police and the next day I told Roy it was over. I've been unhappy for a while now but…I guess I just needed that final push."

Jim blinked again.

"You…slept with Ryan?"

She nodded.

Jim shook his head.

"Jesus Pam."

Pam suddenly didn't understand why Jim was using at tone, as if she was a child who had done something wrong.

"What?"

"You slept with Ryan!"

"Keep your voice down! It was a mistake!"

Just then the door open and both Pam and Jim froze. It was Ryan, wearing his usual blue button up shirt and tie. Looking at the two of them he gave a little smile before going to the coffee maker.

Pam and Jim stared at each other before Ryan poured himself a cup and looked a Pam.

"You want a cup?"

Pam smiled, crossing her arms.

"No thanks."

"Listen, can I pick you up around seven?"

"Sure, that sounds great."

Ryan grinned at her.

"All right, see you later."

Pam couldn't believe she was smiling back at him, butterflies dancing in her stomach. Watching him leave, she turned back to Jim who looked completely shocked.

"You have a date with him?!"

"It's just dinner…"

"Jesus Pam you don't waste much time."

Pam couldn't believe that came from her best friend's mouth. Shooting him a look she seemed disgusted.

"Real nice…"

"Pam wait!"

But Pam quickly went back to her desk.

Things between Jim and her had been awkward. He tried to apologize, but things didn't seem right. For the first time in years they weren't constantly talking to each other.

The night of Pam and Ryan's dinner date, he came to her front door with flowers. Pam was surprised by this since Ryan didn't strike her as the kind to do such things. Smiling, she took them.

"Their beautiful! Ryan you shouldn't have!"

Ryan offered her hand, dressed nice with his hair gelled back and took her out for a wonderful evening where for the first time in awhile she could just forget about her worries.

When the waiter offered wine, the two of them started across at each other and burst out laughing.

At the end of the evening, he gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before telling her he would see her tomorrow.

For the last few weeks it had been like that. They went out three or four times a week. Usually dinner, one attempt at dancing in which both couldn't stop laughing and finally had to sit down, and even to Pittsburgh one Saturday to take her to the art museum. Both enjoyed each other's company and couldn't help but smile whenever their hands touched or when Ryan kissed her goodnight.

At the office nobody other then Jim suspected a thing.

Now here they were, having dinner with Pam's mother and catching up.

Both hadn't really come out with it yet, but as Pam stared at him she couldn't help but smile.

She had a boyfriend now.

After her mother got a taxi and kissed her goodbye, Ryan drove Pam home.

Standing in front of her apartment door as she fished for her keys Ryan shuffled his feet before blushing slightly.

"Say Pam…I was wondering…well if it's all right with you if…"

His words trailed off before he cleared his throat smiling.

"Wow I'm nervous."

Pam laughed before he looked at her.

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind going to Toby with me tomorrow and signing a certain letter?"

Pam smiled.

"About office relationships?"

Ryan laughed before nodding.

Wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing him in close, he kissed him before smiling.

"That sounds wonderful."

Ryan laughed and from that point onward…they couldn't stand to be apart.


	4. Chapter 4

_**2007**_

"Hey Jim?"

Jim turned around in his desk chair and saw Pam sitting in her red sweater behind her desk. Glancing back at Ryan he saw he was fully distracted with his work on the computer. Getting up, Jim strolled over as he usually did. Thinking of all those years, and times he flirted with her now seemed like such a waste. Yet again he had missed his chance, and Ryan had scooped in and took her away. Trying his hardest to push these bitter feelings away he stood at her desk and plucked a green jellybean from one of the bowels.

"What's up?"

Pam's voice was low, whispering and eyeing Dwight as he did so.

"Listen, I didn't think I would have a chance to give you your Christmas gift later on…so here it is."

She handed him a red folder. Jim raised an eyebrow as he flipped through it.

"I've been sending messages to Dwight from the CIA. And it's up to you to pick his mission. Merry Christmas! I would of wrapped it…"

Jim laughed looking at it before Pam pointed at the papers.

"Here is all his personal info, and a list of any secret he promised he would never tell."

Jim began to read, amused.

"Today my boss Michael Scott said he was sick but really he wanted to leave for magic camp early."

Jim laughed before looking down at Pam, right away the smile faded.

"Listen…I don't think I should be doing this kind of stuff anymore. Pam's face dropped, slightly confused as he said so.

"It's just between the promotion and well…you being with Ryan and me being with Karen."

Pam now looked really confused.

"Wait what?"

Jim lowered his voice enough so Ryan couldn't hear.

"It's just…I know we're playing, but Ryan and Karen might get the wrong idea. Sorry."

Before Pam could say anything Jim pushed the folder back into her hands and sat back down at his desk. Pam held the red folder for a second not really knowing what to say. Things had been so strange between the two of them.

In fact, they had been really bad ever since Ryan and Pam came out with the fact they were together. This stunned, nearly everyone in the office who had just learned that Pam had broken off her engagement to Roy. Of course there were plently of comments and eye rolls, but Pam for the first time in a while didn't care.

She was happy.

Than Casino Night happened.

Pam snapped out of her thoughts and sighed. Ever since Jim came back she tried to rebuild the friendship they once had.

Now it seemed so useless.

Getting up, she saw Karen and sighed. Just a few minutes ago Angela had kicked her out of the meeting room due to her new party ideas. Knowing she should try to be a little more friendly, she eyed Jim and shook her head. If he wasn't willing to be friends…maybe Karen would.

Getting up she crossed over to Karen.

"Hey Karen?"

Karen looked up.

"Listen I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened in there. It was really crazy."

Karen looked relieved.

"I know right."

The two began talking as Jim glanced up. Just then Ryan got up, pushing his chair away he headed to the staff kitchen. Passing Pam he winked at her and went into the men's room.

Jim followed.

Once inside he saw Ryan at the urinal. Using the one beside him he unzipped and nodded at him.

"What's up man?"

"Aw nothing, trying to get some work done before Michael makes another scene about Carol."

Michael laughed.

There was silence between the two as they finished up before finally Jim cleared his throat. There had been a question he had been dying to ask him ever since that tiny little box fell from his coat pocket. He knew he wouldn't get a chance to be alone with him again for the rest of the night.

"Listen man, not that it was any of my business…but what was up with that box that fell on the floor earlier. You scrambled to stuff it away. Gift for Pam?"

Ryan zipped himself up before going to the sinks and washing his hands. Smiling he shook his head.

"If I say…you need to promise not to say anything."

Jim headed to the sink as well.

"Yeah man of course."

Ryan grabbed a paper towel before smiling.

"I'm going to propose tonight."

Jim did a double take and just stood there frozen.

"You're what?"

Ryan nodded, almost as excited as a kid who's been dying to tell someone it. Reaching into his slack pocket he took it out and showed Jim the huge sparking ring.

"It was my grandmother's. I need to shove it back into my coat pocket before Pam sees."

Jim stared at the ring almost in a trance.

"Wow…that's awesome."

Ryan smiled closing the box and putting it back in his pocket.

"Thanks. I'm wicked nervous."

Jim slightly snapped out of his daze and shook his head.

"Don't be man. She'll go crazy."

"You really think so?"

Jim felt his heart drop in his stomach before nodding.

"Of course I do."

Just then Kevin came in wearing his Dunder Mifflin bathrobe. Staring at the two he began to giggle.

"Are you two doing…something weird?"

Ryan rolled his eyes before heading to the door.

"Always nice to see you Kevin."

Kevin kept giggling before going into one of the back stalls with a candle. Jim meanwhile just stood there unable to move.

Ryan is going to propose to Pam…

Shutting his eyes he couldn't believe it.

At that exact moment Pam and Karen announced The Margarita Karaoke Christmas party, which would be going against Angela's Nutcracker one. Heading to his desk and slipping to box back into his jacket pocket, Ryan smiled watching the scene unfold.

Seconds later after Karen tore down Angela's flyer, the two women giggled and headed towards their desk. Ryan watched them smiling, before going back to his own work.

A half an hour later Karen and Pam were trying to set up their party in the back room where the vender machines were. Just then Ryan helped push in the karaoke machine. Pam and Karen were putting salt out for the margarita glasses.

"Where do you want this?"

Pam looked over smiling.

"Right there is fine."

Ryan winked at Pam.

"You got it."

As Ryan left, Pam watched him suddenly not caring about what Jim had done earlier. Instead she was having a good time and felt herself lucky to have such a great boyfriend.

"He's cute. How long have you two been together?"

Pam snapped out of her thoughts and smiled.

"A year."

Smiling, she set the glasses down not knowing that before midnight she wouldn't be so happy anymore…

_**2006**_

"Hey you ready?"

Pam looked up, dressed in her cat costume as Ryan leaned over, his messenger bag thrown over his shoulder. Pam smiled before logging off her computer.

"Okay just a second…"

Ryan drummed his fingers against the countertop, waiting before Pam looked him up and down and smirked.

"And why again didn't you dress up?"

"What are you talking about, of course I dressed up."

Ryan raised his black tie in which a tiny little spider was on the bottom. Pam had to squint to see it before laughing.

"That's it?!"

Ryan laughed.

"Sorry, what did you want me to dress up as a puppy?"

Pam fluttered her eyelashes smiling.

"Well it would look nice seeing that I came as a kitten."

Jim quickly threw his coat on, hurrying to the door.

"Hey Jim you heading to Poor Richard's?"

Ryan asked.

Jim kept his head down, and shrugged.

"Maybe…"

He left before Ryan could say anything him. Pam watched him and sighed. He had been in a bad mood ever since she said he should take the job in Maryland. This Halloween had been horrible, between Devon getting fired, Jim giving her the cold shoulder, and Michael with his fake head it seemed like a nightmare.

Ryan turned, widening his eyes.

"Wow what's his problem?"

Pam sighed.

"He's just been pissed at me because I told him he should take that job in Maryland."

"That's it?"

Pam nodded.

"Well screw him, you were just trying to be helpful."

Just then Kevin walked by in his super hero suit. He ruffled Ryan's hair.

"FIRE GUY!"

Ryan laughed, slightly uncomfortable before jumping away. Kevin laughed shaking his head.

"That was so fricking awesome. Hope you don't have any lit Jack O' Lanterns in your apartment Pam…I wouldn't trust this guy!"

Pam smiled as Kevin walked away, Ryan blushed shaking his head.

"How long do you think they're going to keep this up?"

Pam pretended to think.

"Ummm…I would say the rest of your life."

Ryan laughed.

Two weeks ago Ryan had accidently lit the office on fire. By then Pam and Ryan had become an "official" couple. The two had been seeing each other now going on nearly two months and hadn't been so happy before in their entire life's.

That night after the fire, Pam invited Ryan back to her place. There she cooked him dinner as he sat at the kitchen table with his head lowered.

"I can't believe I did that…"

Pam smiled and then thought of the one thing that would make him feel better. Walking over, she stood behind him and slipped her arms gently around his neck. Kissing the back of his earlobe she smiled.

"Wanna come to the bedroom with me?"

Ryan raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Really?"

"Really."

That night they slept together, and this time both remembered it very well. The next morning, both laid side by side tangled in Pam's sheets completely exhausted. Ryan looked over smiling.

"Would you like to move in with me?"

Pam blinked. They had only been going together for only a month now, but staring at him and feeling her heart race she smiled before leaning over and kissing him.

"Of course I would…"

Smiling through the kiss, he wrapped his arms around her and completely forgot about his new nickname as "The Fire Guy" until the following Monday. That week, Pam left her apartment and moved in with Ryan.

At first she thought it would be awkward, but the second all her things were moved in she felt the most comfortable she had been in a while. Ryan was really neat for his age, and had a nice empty apartment. His dog Joe was nearly seven years old and barely looked up as the two of them moved in her boxes one early Saturday morning.

The first night the celebrated together by sitting on his small leather sofa and watching TV. At one point Ryan put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. Looking up she smiled, knowing she had made the right choice.

Jim had made a comment that he wondered if she was rushing into things, and how he didn't think it was such a good idea since they worked together.

Pam remembered hearing this and feeling puzzled. She didn't understand why he was acting this way.

That night nearly everyone went to Poor Richard's to give Devon the send off he deserved. On her fifth drink Ryan wrapped his arm around her waist which made her begin giggling like a madwoman. By then it was nearly twelve.

"Come on you, I still need to drive."

Remembering the last time he said that Pam burst out laughing before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him right at the bar. This Thanksgiving she was bringing him over to her parent's place. Standing there kissing him, she couldn't believe she had found such a perfect boyfriend within just two months.

Jim sat at his table with Oscar and Kevin and watched.

Ryan helped Pam out, both laughing together.

That night, Pam curled up beside Ryan and watched him sleep. Reaching over, she gently kissed his fingertips before smiling and shutting her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

_**2007**_

"Come on Ryan and Jim, we're going to Asian Hooters."

Ryan leaned back in his chair looking at Michael as Andy and Dwight hurried to get their coats on.

"I'm not feeling so well, got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night."

Michael leaned over and felt Ryan's forehead.

"Okay, feel better. Jim let's go!"

Michael, Dwight, and Andy marched out the front door as Jim stood up smiling.

"Thanks man for sealing all the good excuses."

"Doctor appointment, car trouble, planter warts, my grandfather died in World War II, I keep mine in here."

Ryan showed Jim his Blueberry.

"Look alive Halpert, welcome back."

Jim for what seemed like the first time ever smiled at Ryan before going to get his coat. Pam sat behind her desk amused before looking at Ryan. Blowing him a kiss she laughed as he pretended to catch it. Smiling, Pam turned and decided to finish up the last of her Christmas emails before the holidays. Ryan and her were spending it at her parents.

Just then Karen came over.

"So I'm running out to get the mixers, how many bottles of vodka should I get?"

Pam looked across the office and saw Angela glaring.

"Whatever you had in mind…triple it."

Karen laughed before giving Pam a high five. Watching her leave, Pam smiled again before glancing back over at Ryan who was working on his computer.

She began to think of this morning.

Sitting there, she stared at him, her eyes studying almost every feature of his. Her eyes looked at his thick black hair, big blue eyes, his flawless smooth skin, and of course that cute smile of his. Smiling she thought of the condom breaking, which had happened only once before and couldn't help but not feel scared. The first time it happened was back when they were really just started dating. They were living together but still Pam let out the biggest sigh of relief when she took the pregnancy test and saw it was negative. She remembered the tiny look of disappointment in Ryan's eyes when she handed him the test. Sighing, she remembered he faked a smile, kissed her, and said that it was for the best.

Pam had never put much thought into children before, sure she wanted them but she hadn't really planned on beginning to take that path in her life serious until another five or so years. Sure it wouldn't make sense for Ryan and her to have a baby…they weren't ready.

She was just starting to toy around with the idea of taking art classes in New York this summer, and Ryan had just finished business school.

Still, the thought of having a baby with those big blue eyes made her smile.

What if she was pregnant? What if today's little accident really had done it? Looking at Ryan again she felt herself blush.

Fifteen minutes later Karen returned with the booze and winked at Pam before carrying the bags into the staff kitchen. Just then Ryan strolled over.

"I miss the days when I didn't want to go to one party."

Pam made a face at him before he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Grabbing a peppermint he sat back down at his desk. Smiling, Pam went into the staff kitchen to help Karen. While they did so, Karen looked out the window and smiled.

"He's really cute."

Pam looked.

"Huh?"

"Ryan, you two seem really great together."

Pam smiled.

"Thanks."

Seeing a candy cane on the counter, Pam picked it up and went out to Ryan's desk where he was finishing up the last of his work for the day. Walking over, Pam sat on the desk and looked down at him. Ryan's eyes drifted up.

"Hello you."

"Got you something."

"Oh yeah?"

Pam reached over and hung the candy cane right on Ryan's nose. Smiling he looked at her.

"Perfect."

"You know, I think being Jewish finally came to some use for you."

Ryan looked at the candy cane hanging there and smiled.

"You saying I got a hooked nose?"

"I love your hooked nose…"

Pam said leaning over and kissing him. Ryan took the candy cane off and smiled.

"I'm sure you won't feel that way when our kids get them."

Pam was slightly taken by this comment. Ryan looked at her grinning before kissing her.

At that exact moment Andy's car pulled into the parking-lot. Getting out, Michael and Andy had their arms around the two young waitresses. Dwight and Jim got out of the back, freezing as Michael began to sing 'Winter Wonderland'. Just then a blue sports car came speeding into the parking-lot.

Stopping, the driver's door flew open as Jim and Dwight stood back.

Packer got out, all ready looking five over his usual limit. Grinning, he stood up a red and white tie on.

"What's up Mmmmnerds?"

"PACKER!"

Michael laughed running over, nearly slipping on the ice. Jim rolled his eyes.

"I'll be inside…"

Jim walked into the building while the others gathered around. Michael smiled, showing off the Asian waitress.

"My sweet, this is Todd Packer, my number two man."

Dwight glared at Packer as the waitress nervously giggled as Packer smiled, looking her up and down.

"Well hello there!"

He kissed her hand making her blush.

"I wanted to swing on my and show you guys the little Christmas gift I got myself, come on and look."

Packer waved them over before reaching into his car, seconds later he took out a silver handgun. Right away the waitresses jumped back.

"This here is my little insurance policy."

Dwight right away looked interested leaning over.

"Whoa, that is bad ass!"

Packer smiled before shoving it in his pants pocket. Michael laughed.

"Wow Packer is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me!"

Packer began cracking up before they all headed inside.

_**2007 February**_

"Boy have you lost your mind cuz I'll help you find it!"

Ryan stood back nearly pressing himself against the vender machines as Stanley screamed at him. Barely able to get a word in, he decided to stop after Stanley told him if Jesus walked through the door he wouldn't be able to help him.

Nodding, and quickly saying he was sorry he didn't understand why he was being yelled at in the first place. Stanley's daughter had flirted with him all day, making him beyond uncomfortable. Earlier in the staff kitchen she asked for his number in which he was at a loss of words.

"Ummm, I have a girlfriend."

Stanley's daughter stopped dead in her tracks.

"WHAT?"

Ryan gulped.

"Ummm yeah, she's Pam…the redhead."

Stanley's daughter glanced out the window and gave Pam the evil eye as she sat behind the desk checking voice messages.

"The one who answers phones?"

Before Ryan could say another word Stanley's daughter stormed out and quickly went to her father. Before the door swung shut Ryan thought he heard her say…"The temp is bothering me." That's when Stanley turned and gave Ryan such a look all the color drained out of his face.

Once Stanley was finished, Ryan quickly excused himself to go outside. Grabbing his coffee he stood outside and admitted to the cameras that Stanley yelling at him was the most terrifying moment in his life. Getting himself together he went inside, hoping no more kids would bother him.

The past two months had been ready good for him.

Pam and him were living together and things really seemed great. This was really the first serious relationship he had since college. Pam wasn't typically the kind of girl he went for, but ever since that drunken night of the Dundies he really had to admit to himself that he was in love.

The two got along great and couldn't seem to stop making each other laugh. He knew that Jim had a crush on her, any blind fool could see it, but when he asked Pam she seemed half surprised before shrugging.

"Never noticed."

Ryan loved how wonderful the apartment now smelled. He smiled whenever he woke up in the morning to find the coffee all readymade and some of Pam's sketches laying on the table. On the weekends they would go out, dinner, the movies, out to see friends, and on Sundays they usually took Ryan's dog out for a walk.

After work most nights they would have dinner and then while sitting in front of the TV they would curl up next to each other while he studied and she sketched.

Every day they walked into work they were holding hands.

Ryan's mother said she loved Pam and was happy to see Ryan in such a healthy relationship.

Thinking of this past Christmas he smiled. After the Christmas party and horrible Secret Santa idea something had happened that made Ryan truly know he loved Pam.

Valentine's day just past and Ryan surprised Pam with a special delivery that Jim had glanced over looking with curious eyes. A single rose was taped to the package and when she opened it she nearly squealed.

A brand new leather-bound sketchbook and new pencils. Ryan had special ordered them off line. Looking from his desk, hoping she liked them he was rewarded with the biggest kiss he ever received in his life as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Blushing, he tickled his nose with hers.

"I take it you like it?"

Pam smiled nodding yes.

Walking in, he felt a little excited himself while Pam seemed worried and scared. Coming back in Pam raised an eyebrow before motioning for him to come over. Hanging his coat and setting his coffee down she leaned over.

"What was that all about?"

She pointed to Stanley and his daughter who was listening to her I-Pod.

Ryan rolled his eyes.

"You don't even wanna know."

"I could hear the yelling all the way over here. Are you okay?"

Ryan smiled.

"Of course I am. Are you?"

Pam seemed confused.

"Huh?"

"You look worried."

Pam looked as though she suddenly remembered. Sighing she looked at her computer.

"I'm fine, I just wanna go home."

Rubbing her shoulder he really couldn't think of anything to say. Leaning down he kissed her ear before whispering that everything would be fine. Pam faked a smile but didn't seem that sure. All the meanwhile Stanley's daughter watched giving him a dirty look.

Returning to his desk, Ryan jumped a little when he felt something tug on his pants' leg. Wheeling his chair back he saw Toby's adorable little daughter stand up after hiding underneath his desk. He couldn't remember her name…Sasha or something? He knew it started with an S. The little blond girl stood up, dressed in a jumper before waving her hand at him. Ryan tried to keep a straight face looking at her before she ran away.

Suddenly a flutter filled his chest and as he turned back to his computer he couldn't help but smile.

On Valentine's day, which had been nearly two weeks ago Ryan and Pam shared a very romantic evening together. After going out for dinner, the two returned home freezing and a little drunk off the wine.

Right away the second Pam kicked their bedroom door shut with her leg, both stood there smiling before Ryan began to loosen his tie.

After finishing making love, both laid side by side completely out of breath. Pam laid there slightly stunned before smiling.

"Wow…"

Ryan grinned before reaching underneath the covers, right away he looked disgusted.

"Shit!"

Pam looked over.

"The condom, it's broken."

Pam's eyes widened.

"It's what?!"

Ryan tried to calm her down telling her it was fine but she seemed on edge the entire night. Kicking himself, he couldn't believe he had ruined such a wonderful night.

Five days later Pam nearly screamed.

"I think I'm late!"

Ryan remembered looking up from his text books that were spread out all over the living room floor and gulped.

"What?"

Pam paced back and forth on the verge of crying.

"I think so, oh God!"

Ryan told Pam not to panic, and this evening they finally decided to stop putting it off. Pam was nearly four days late which she claimed she never was. Earlier that morning Ryan had swung by the drug store and picked up a pregnancy test.

The entire day so far had felt weird.

It didn't help that children were all around the office today.

Pam seemed on edge, and barley looked up from her desk. Feeling horrible, Ryan hoped this day would just go by fast so they could put an end to the matter. Now sitting there, smiling as he typed away he thought finally about this really being a reality.

What if Pam was pregnant?

He really hadn't thought about it.

Not being able to stop smiling, he thought of what it really would be like if they had a baby. Watching Toby's daughter run around the office with Michael's toys he smiled.

He could see himself really enjoying being a father.

His thoughts were broken when Michael called him into the meeting room and had an odd request to find a VHS tape at his mother's.

That night, Pam couldn't get to the car fast enough. On the ride home, Ryan glanced at her.

"You seemed to really get along with Meredith's kid huh?"

Pam sighed.

"Of course, the troublemaker…"

That's when Pam's burst into tears, alarming Ryan as he looked over.

"What is it?"

"I'll make a horrible mother!"

She cried. Sighing, Ryan took one hand off the wheel and gently touched her leg.

Once they got home, Pam grabbed the small plastic bag Ryan had shoved under his seat and ran inside. Ryan followed, feeling the strangest feeling…

Excited?"

He didn't know.

Pam shut the bathroom door behind her as he waited. Taking his jacket off, he wondered if they had a daughter if she would have pretty red hair like Pam?

Snapping out of his thoughts, the bathroom door opened and Pam appeared, her face paled. Ryan couldn't help but grin.

"You're pregnant?!"

Pam's worried frown turned into a bright smile before she shook her head.

"No I'm not! Isn't that great?!"

She wrapped her arms and hugged Ryan tightly as he looked at the tiny plastic strip and looked at the negative sign. Sighing, he kissed the top of Pam's head before starting off into space and feeling disappointed.


	6. Chapter 6

_**2007**_

Kevin was in the middle of belting out some Alanis Morissette while everyone stood around drinking and having a good time. Pam and Ryan stood together by the vender machines laughing as they held their margaritas. Ryan's hand slipped behind Pam's back as they sung to each other and laughed.

Just then Ryan eyed the clock and grinned, looking down at Pam he decided it was time.

"Babe, I'll be right back."

He handed Pam her glass before smiling and walking out. Pam watched him with a smile on her face before turning back to Kevin who impressed everyone with the final repeated verse of the song. Jim looked at her laughing before Pam took another sip of her drink.

Ryan strolled out through the staff kitchen before going out to his desk. His stomach was nervous, but somehow he couldn't wait any longer. Hearing the dull music from the meeting room from Angela's A Nutcracker Christmas, he went over to his jacket which hung on the back of his chair. Phyllis stood in the doorway, looking as if she would kill just to see the other party going on.

She watched as Ryan grabbed his jacket.

"Cold in there?"

Ryan was caught off guard.

"Huh?"

Ryan took his coat before going over to the coat rack to grab Pam's, the pink puffy one with the fur hood. Smiling he carried them into the staff kitchen hearing Phyllis mutter something about that helping. Walking in, he saw Karen and Pam talking. Walking over he smiled. Pam and Karen turned towards him.

"Hey…"

Her eyes dropped looking at their coats.

"Are we going somewhere?"

She smiled, Ryan grinned blushing.

"Just for a few minutes."

"Could you hold on, Karen and I are merging the parties."

Ryan laughed.

"Yeah, it was looking a little dead in there."

Pam smiled setting their glasses down.

"Okay we'll just be a few seconds…"

Ryan smiled, watching her go. By then Darryl and Kevin were moving everything into the next room. Watching the margarita machine get wheeled out, Ryan laughed before finishing his own drink and following the others out. Once he went through the staff kitchen he saw that Angela had found the power cord to the karaoke machine and the girls were setting it up. Kevin nearly knocked down Phyllis as he ran into the meeting room to grab another brownie.

By then Michael, Andy, Dwight, and Jim had returned. Ryan noticed that there were two very young looking girls with Michael and Andy…most likely girls they picked up at the restaurant. Then he noticed Packer, laughing loudly and all ready asking for a drink.

Ryan remembered earlier this year when he was forced to drive Packer around after getting his D.U.I. That had been the longest afternoon in his entire life. Walking over, he set Pam and his coat down on Stanley's desk before noticing Pam who was walking over smiling ear from ear.

"Okay ready."

Ryan smiled.

"Good."

Handing her the puffy pink coat she shrugged it on before cocking her head to the side, a strand of hair falling in her face.

"Where are we going?"

Ryan smiled before taking her hand.

"You'll see…"

Jim stood back, taking his own coat before Karen wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him in for a big kiss.

_**A few minutes later.**_

Pam laughed as Ryan pushed her up the small ladder that lead to the roof.

"Ryan what are…"

Before she could finish he gave her a playful swat on her bottom that got her in gear. Climbing the last rung, she opened the door and right away freezing cold hit their faces. Climbing out, she offered her hand to Ryan who got out and stood up beside her.

The view wasn't the greatest, mostly downtown Scranton, but right before sunset it was beautiful. Snow fell around them, some catching in Pam's red hair. Buttoning her jacket, she laughed before looking at him.

"Wow, it's so pretty."

Ryan looked down, snow falling on his shoulders.

That's when he got down on one knee. Pam's eyes widened before Ryan smiled and took out the small black box.

"Pam, I know this is fast…"

"Oh my God!"

She squealed. Ryan kept grinning before he opened the box.

"But you're the most amazing woman I've ever met. I promise I'll make you happy…so will you marry me?"

Pam began jumping up and down.

"YES!"

Ryan laughed before slipping the beautiful sparking ring on her finger. Pam looked at it with wonder before staring down at him, tears building in her eyes. Ryan stood back up, brushing snow from his slacks before cupping her face with his hand.

"Don't cry Pam…"

Pam sniffled in before looking at the ring again and smiling.

"I'm just so happy! I'm so glad we got drunk that night!"

Ryan laughed before gathering her in his arms and kissing her. All the while, snow fell down on them.

_**Half an hour later.**_

Everyone was pretty well buzzed once Ryan and Pam came downstairs. Angela was singing karaoke while Dwight held the mike for her. Everyone was laughing and enjoying their drinks. Pam and Ryan came in, their faces and hands red and chapped from the cold.

Just then Angela finished her song, everyone clapped before Kelly stared at Ryan and Pam who were trying to hang up their coats.

"Where did you two go?"

Pam and Ryan turned, slightly taken off guard before Pam smiled and held up her hand. She couldn't wait.

"Ryan proposed!"

Everyone right away looked surprised and smiled. Kelly squealed before Phyllis and Meredith began to clap. Everyone smiled coming towards their, raising their glasses and laughing before telling them how wonderful the news was.

Kevin ruffled Ryan's hair.

"Way to go fire guy!"

Pam was surrounded by all the girls, gushing and showing off the ring. Karen came over, hugging Pam and telling her how happy she was.

Jim meanwhile stood back speechless.

Just then Michael's office door swung open, he had a waitress on each arm.

"What's going on?"

Pam smiled, her face blushing as she held up her hand.

"Ryan proposed!"

Ryan's eyes widened, trying to signal for Pam to stop but it was too late. Michael let go of the waitresses and ran full speed to Ryan giving him a huge kiss on the cheek. Everyone laughed as Michael lifted Ryan up and squeezed him.

"I'm so happy for you!"

Ryan looked sick as Michael lifted him again, Pam watched laughing and clapping.

That's when Packer came out with a rolling cart. About eleven or so cups of what appeared to be fruit punch sat there.

"Hey everyone, let's knock one back in honor of the little girly temp and that fine woman who answers the phones!"

Pam and Ryan exchanged looks before Packer wheeled over the cart and began passing the drinks around.

"Drink up everyone, this is strong stuff!"

Stanley, Dwight, Angela, Kevin, and Michael didn't take any. Instead they stuck to their margaritas. Michael smiled raising his glass.

"To Ryan and Pam, the two hottest in the office. May this be the best Christmas we've ever had!"

Everyone smiled and drank up. Jim paused a second, looking at Pam and Ryan with sad eyes before drinking his entire drink.

_**Fifteen minutes later.**_

Creed sat back in the staff kitchen as Packer poured himself another drink. Everyone in the other room was singing and still drinking up. Ryan and Pam sat together on Ryan's desk hand in hand.

Creed eyed Packer.

"You drugged the drinks didn't you?"

Packer looked.

"Huh?"

"That's why you didn't let everyone take one. What was it?"

Packer grinned before looking around, making sure nobody could hear him before he grinned and whispered…

"Ecstasy."

Creed smiled.

"Wonderful, should make this party pretty interesting."

Packer felt the gun tucked in the back of his pants before smiling.

"It sure will."

_**Christmas 2006.**_

Ryan was trying his hardest driving home in the blizzard that had now fallen upon Scranton. The windshield wipers going back and forth, he leaned forward making sure he could still see the white lines of the highway. It was nearly midnight and Pam and him were coming home after a very interesting party at the office and some drinks at Poor Richard's. Ryan had taken it easy on the booze tonight since he knew he was driving, Pam meanwhile sat beside him holding the white box which held the teapot Jim had given her. Softly on the radio the weather report said that there would be an ice storm shortly before morning.

Pam hiccupped before giggling. Ryan eyed her before smiling.

"My girlfriend, the alcoholic."

Pam laughed even louder before playfully hitting his arm.

"Hey if it wasn't for alcohol we might have never gotten together."

Ryan smiled, amused.

"That's a great way of looking at it. Make sure we'll tell our grandkids that."

Pam kept laughing before Ryan took their exit.

_**Later that night.**_

Ryan sat on the suitcase Pam had packed for the weekend away at her parents. Snapping it shut, Pam stood up with her hands on her hips. Ryan slid off before checking the small gym bag he was taking himself.

Pam smiled looking at him.

"Nervous?"

Ryan shrugged.

"Naw, you're parents are awesome. Besides I rather spend the weekend with you instead of my crazy mother and jerk brothers."

Pam laughed before eyeing the plastic bag in which Creed's old shirt sat in. Covering her mouth with her hand she tried to hide her giggles.

"I can't believe you really took that…"

"Well I traded Kelly for her wonderful nametag, then I got back that book of short stories I bought…Jim saw that the shirt was my side, so we traded."

Pam made a fake pouting face.

"Not better than an I-pod?"

Ryan grinned.

"No, can't say so…"

Pam put her hands up in defense.

"Hey I tried to save it for you."

Ryan smiled before wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I know, but Jim's teapot was too tempting."

Pam wiggled her nose.

"Hey, I could tell he went to a lot of trouble…besides it's a shame he's spending another Christmas alone again."

"Yeah, too bad he's not lucky enough to have you."

Pam laughed before kissing Ryan on the nose.

"Hey why don't you put on that sexy shirt for me."

Raising an eyebrow, Ryan laughed.

_**An hour later.**_

Pam had made them both tea in her new teapot, before the two dressed for bed. Sitting on the bed Indian style, the two of them faced each other before Pam reached behind her back and showed Ryan a wrapped package.

"I couldn't wait until tomorrow…here."

Ryan looked at it before smiling. He himself had bought Pam a set of earrings along with a set of watercolor paints. Smiling he tore the wrapping paper away. Pam sat back biting her bottom lip, waiting to see his reaction.

Ryan laughed the second he saw it.

"I almost had a heart attack when I saw what Michael had bought you. Let's just say feeling sorry for Jim wasn't the only other reason why I traded the I-pod, tried to fool you."

Ryan grinned before holding the box.

A video I-pod.

About three weeks ago Ryan had sat with her behind her desk at work while the two looked at different sales for the holidays. Ryan had commented on how cool the video I-pods looked and of course Michael was within hearing range. Surprising enough everything went to plan.

Ryan held up the box before smiling.

"I love it Pam, it's too much."

Pam leaned forward, putting one hand against his chest before leaning in for a kiss.

"Merry Christmas Ryan."

Smiling through the kiss, he wrapped his arms around her.

That night after they made love, Pam laid awake slightly, her head on Ryan's chest listening to his heartbeat.

She hoped next Christmas would be just as wonderful…

But she couldn't have been more wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

_**2007**_

Pam blinked before splashing cold water on her face in the ladies room. Looking at her reflection she gulped. Blinking again, she held her hands out and suddenly felt really sick. She had only had a couple of drinks and never before felt this horrible. Shutting her eyes, she suddenly wanted Ryan.

Gripping onto the wall, she headed out, hearing the music still going. Trying to steady herself, she pushed the door open and saw Toby and Kevin sitting at the table snickering. Kevin had brought in his Mexican lasagna for the party and the tray sat half eaten between them. Pam blinked again.

"What's so funny?"

Kevin pointed to the men's room.

"Michael ate half of this and he's been in the bathroom for almost an hour, I bet it smells really bad."

Kevin began cracking up as Toby simply shook his head smiling. Looking at Pam he raised an eyebrow.

"You okay Pam?"

Pam crossed her arms over her stomach, she had the chills and the room couldn't stop spinning.

"I feel kinda sick…have you seen Ryan?"

Toby leaned forward looking out the glass door.

Stanley, the two waitresses, Phyllis, and Kelly had left. Out in the office area the remains of the party still were slightly hanging over. All ready it seemed that the cleaning company would have their hands full tomorrow morning. Jim sat on his desk with Karen. The two were feeding each other cake and laughing. Angela walked around with a black trash bag trying to clean everything up. Meredith laid on one of the desks completely past out as Christmas music still played.

Toby motioned towards Michael's office.

"I think he's in Michael's office, do you want me to get him?"

Pam shut her eyes again.

"In just a second…do you feel funny?"

Toby shrugged.

"A little light headed but that's it."

Kevin still stared at the men's room door giggling.

_**In Michael's office… **_

Packer sat at Michael's desk, another drink in his hand and laughing. Andy leaned against the wall finishing his own drink and looking a little under the weather himself. Creed simply sat beside Packer with a grin on his face, while Dwight stood in the doorway looking at Angela who was cleaning up and smiling.

Ryan sat in one of the chairs against the glass window facing out at the office. Andy had just past out cigars and Ryan shook his head.

"No thanks."

"Come on big turkey, you're engaged we need to!"

Ryan smiled, looking kinda pale.

"I would but I have asthma…"

Packer snorted.

"What a queer thing to have!"

Ryan nodded, trying not to let Packer get to him. Andy then walked over to the window behind Packer and began trying to figure out how to open it.

Dwight looked.

"Those windows don't open…"

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah right, come on…"

He began to pull and yank at the frame.

Dwight shook his head.

"Why don't you just set off the smoke alarms, that will be real smart."

Packer began cracking up along with Creed. Ryan meanwhile sat down and began to breath heavy. He didn't feel so good. In fact, the room was spinning. Staring down at the carpet, he took a deep breath.

"Hey Schrute! Is it true you have a potato gun in the trunk of your car?"

Packer asked still giggling. Dwight glared at Packer.

"Yeah. One shot from that sucker and it can blow your head clean off. One of the most deadliest weapons in the world…"

Packer then reached down and brought out his handgun.

"Deadlier than this?"

Andy looked over Packer's shoulder and his eyes widened.

"Whoa!"

Ryan looked up, sweat rolling down his face. Right away it took a second for him to focus on what Packer was waving around.

Packer grinned.

"Yep, this baby is one…"

He aimed it still grinning.

"Bad mother fucker…"

That's when the gun went off.

_**In the staff kitchen…**_

Michael poked his head out for a second, the newspaper still in his hands.

"They brought party poppers cool!"

He shut the door.

Pam snapped her eyes open, the loud bang that echoed through the office made her jump. Right away Toby and Kevin jumped up and hurried towards the door. Pam glanced out for a second and saw Jim, Karen, and Angela running towards Michael's office before Kevin got in her way.

That's when she heard Angela begin to scream.

_**2007 Spring**_

Pam walked into the dark parking-lot trying to hold back tears. Dressed in a cute little sundress she had bought, her hair fell into her eyes as she sniffled and almost fell with her high hells.

She watched as Jim's car drove out of the parking-lot.

Tonight was casino night, and Jim had tried to kiss her.

Standing there, crossing her arms she lowered her head and began to weep.

Why did he do this?

"Pam?"

Pam turned and saw Ryan walking over, his tie loosened.

"Pam?"

Pam gulped before quickly wiping her eyes. Ryan rushed over, his eyes concerned.

"What's wrong?"

Pam lowered her head.

"Jim and me just had a big fight…"

"What?"

"He tried to kiss me."

"WHAT?!"

Pam began to cry again.

"He told me he's always liked me and when I told him I didn't feel the same way and that I loved you he just left…"

Ryan gathered Pam into his arms, she began to weep against his jacket.

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

Pam shook her head, feeling his arms go around her.

"No…it's okay…"

Ryan lifted Pam's face, he smiled staring into her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Ever since we've gotten together…there was Roy, and now Jim…"

Pam shook her head, pressing the side of her face against his.

"I wouldn't trade this last few months for anything in the world…"

Ryan smiled before slipping off his jacket and putting it around her.

"Come on, let's go home."

_**That night…**_

"No!"

Pam shot up from the bed, her eyes wide and her body shaking. Right away Ryan woke with a start and sat up.

"Pam wake up!"

Pam blinked before taking a look around their bedroom. It was just a dream. Pam shut her eyes before lowering her head and sighing loudly.

Ryan gently rubbed her back.

"You okay?"

Pam opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I had a nightmare, somebody shot you…"

Ryan smirked in the darkness before kissing her forehead.

"It was just a dream…"

"There was so much blood…"

Pam's voice began to break up. Ryan knew the stress of tonight had really bad awful for her. Wrapping his arms around her, he lowered her back down with him. Kissing her, he snuggled up against her.

"Shhhhh, it's okay. It was just a dream…"

Pam pressed her ear against Ryan's chest, almost checking to see if his heart was still beating.

"It seemed so real…"

Ryan kissed her again, and stayed awake until he finally fell asleep again.

Looking down at her he smiled and said one more…

"Don't worry baby, I'm not going anywhere."


	8. Chapter 8

_**2007**_

Pam pushed past Toby and Kevin, watching as Angela ran out of Michael's office screaming at the top of her lungs. Right away in the pit of Pam's stomach she knew something was wrong. Running, she stopped dead in the doorway, Karen, and Andy were blocking her view. For a brief second she thought she saw blood splattered up against the glass window that looked out at the office. Pushing past, suddenly Andy grabbed Pam by the arm, Karen who was standing in front of her quickly turned, blocking her view even more. Holding Pam by the shoulders, Karen stared at her, the color in her face drained and her eyes scared.

"Pam come on…"

Pam began to struggle, trying her hardest to get a look as she heard Dwight yell for somebody to call an ambulance.

"You can't call an ambulance the cops will come!"

She heard Packer yell.

That's when she looked over Karen's shoulder and saw Dwight, and Jim kneeling down. Creed was up against the wall, his eyes huge as Packer stood pacing back and forth behind Michael's desk, a handgun laid there.

"Exactly!"

Jim snapped, Pam faintly heard Angela calling the cops at her desk, her voice frightened.

"Hello, we have an emergency, a man has been shot…the address?"

Angela's words faded out, just then Pam yanked free of Karen and Andy's grip just as Toby walked in behind her.

"Jesus!"

Pam froze once she saw.

Jim looked up at that exact moment, right away they locked eyes and he looked helpless. Pam stood there completely shocked.

Ryan was sitting in one of chairs that were up against the glass window. His tie was loosened and he looked white as a sheet. Pam suddenly saw his white button up shirt was completely soaked with blood. It seemed so dark, it almost looked purple. He sat there, slumped down a little, his eyes barley open. Blood was on his slacks, and going on the carpet. Dwight and Jim were kneeling in front of him, Jim had just reached over and loosened his lie and unbuttoned the first few buttons from his shirt.

Ryan's hands were laced together and covering his stomach, which blood seemed to be seeping out and drenching his hands.

The room stopped spinning.

Pam's eyes widened.

"RYAN!"

She almost stumbled before reaching him. Her legs buckled before she clutched onto his arm. Just then Michael came walking in, his newspaper under one arm.

"Hey guys what's going on?"

Michael then froze when he saw Ryan. His eyes widening, they rolled back into his head before fainting. His body slammed down on the carpet hard, causing Karen and jump. Angela rushed in, jumping over Michael.

"They're on their way!"

"Holy shit!"

Packer ran around Michael's desk, attempting to leave. Andy stood in front of the door with Karen.

"Whoa where are you going?"

"I'm fricking high as a kite, in fact most of us are high are fricking kites!"

"What are you talking about?"

Packer looked around, his eyes impatient.

"I drugged the drinks!"

Jim turned as Karen's eyes widened.

"YOU WHAT?"

Packer began pointing around the room.

"Halpert, Creed, the desk girl, you, and you were all took it!"

Karen looked outaged, she took a step forward and pushed him.

"YOU WHAT?"

"It's just ecstasy, thought it might make this party a little more interesting…"

"Have you lost your fucking mind!"

Andy held Karen back as Jim leaned forward, lightly slapping Ryan's pale face.

"Stay awake buddy okay? Just stay awake!"

Pam burst into tears, holding onto him. Dwight looked Ryan over, there was so much blood.

"We need to put pressure on the wound, he's losing a lot of blood."

Pam quickly, without even thinking pressed her hand underneath his, which felt cold to the touch and pressed hard against the bleeding wound. Ryan groaned, his eyes opening and closing.

Pam began to sob before looking at Dwight.

"What happened?"

"Packer's gun went off, hit him."

Karen and Andy were still struggling to keep Packer from running out. Jumping up, Dwight ran over to help them. Jim and Pam knelt there around Ryan as more blood began to soak into the carpet. Tears ran down Pam's face as she found herself shaking.

This couldn't be happening.

"Just hold on baby, help is coming, just hold on…"

Pam's voice broke up as she leaned over towards him. Jim felt Ryan's pulse before slapping him again.

"Ryan I need you to stay awake!"

Ryan's once brilliant beautiful blue eyes now seemed faded and distant, he looked over at Pam.

"Pam?"

His voice was weak.

Pam nuzzled up against him.

That's when Ryan coughed up blood, it splattered down his lips and onto his shirt. Just outside sirens were beginning to be heard. Jim knelt there, suddenly feeling sorry for all those horrible thoughts he had this past year about Ryan.

How he had wished he was the one who drove Pam back from the dundies instead. How jealous he had become, hating watching them, and how for a split second this evening when Ryan and her announced their engagement…he wished Ryan dead.

Now looking at him, he felt horrible knowing he might get his wish.

_**2007 July**_

Pam sighed hanging up the phone. She had just been talking with Jim.

He was in Stamford.

He left a few days after casino night happened. Pam hated the way things were left, and missed having her friend around. Ryan had been sweet, telling her not to feel guilty but she did. She knew she needed to be honest with herself, but breaking Jim's heart like that made her feel like a bad person.

Everything else though had been going great.

Ryan had been promoted, which meant he was here to stay at Dunder Mifflin. That idea of course scared both of them, but Ryan took Jim's old desk in which Pam enjoyed having her boyfriend just a few feet away.

She had also began taking night courses for art at the same college Ryan had business school. Three nights a week they rode in together and Pam got out a half an hour early before him. She would always surprise him with coffee and the two would talk about class on the ride home. Ryan was a few months away before the semester ending. Here he would do what he did back this past winter, take another semester off before getting another loan and starting another.

Pam and Ryan had almost spent the long weekend at his mother's. Pam got along perfectly with her and couldn't help but giggle at the baby photos she had of Ryan. At one point when Ryan came into the living room Pam held up a photo of Ryan at his first birthday party. He sat in a highchair with a crown on. Pam raised an eyebrow.

"Cute."

Ryan blushed before looking at it. Right away he rolled his eyes looking embarrassed.

"Oh my God…"

Pam giggled never feeling so happy before in her life.

Now here she was, working later since Ryan had been out on his first sales call with Dwight. The night before Pam kept joking that Dwight would drive him out to his beet field and bury him alive. Ryan seemed nervous but played along. Pam knew deep down inside he was embarrassed he hadn't made a sale yet.

The truth was she didn't care about things like that. He seemed perfect in her eyes.

Looking at the phone Pam thought of how awkward things had been. It felt so weird talking to Jim after what happened.

Just then the door opened, a very exhausted Ryan appeared in the doorway.

Pam smiled.

"How did it go?"

Ryan smiled before shaking his head.

"Let's just say…I just spent the last two hours in a bar with Dwight."

Pam giggled.

"Didn't make the sale?"

Ryan shook his head.

"Well at least he didn't take you to his beet farm."

Ryan gave Pam a look.

"Oh he did."

Pam began to laugh.

"Oh my God!"

Ryan grinned before motioning for her.

"Come on, let's get some dinner."

Pam smiled grabbing her purse.

A week later was Ryan's twenty-seventh birthday. Pam and him rode up to New York and spent the entire night at the club. Pam who was usually shy about dancing in front of people seemed right at home after having a few glasses of wine. The two laughed, holding onto each other as the music played around them. Both spent the night cracking up before staying at a hotel.

Summer past and things seemed good.

Then Jim came back.

It was awkward of course, and Pam almost died when Jim made a big deal about Ryan having his desk now. Things seemed weird, and Pam couldn't help but notice that Jim was trying to make her jealous showing that her and the new girl Karen were together now.

But Pam couldn't care less.

She was happy.

One afternoon Ryan stood at Pam's desk, Leaning over and laughing with her. Jim looked over his shoulder and sighed watching them.

He wished that was him…he wished none of this had happened, and he wished Ryan would just go away.


	9. Chapter 9

_**2007**_

The paramedics arrived along with two police officers. Pam stood back as they carefully loaded Ryan onto the stretcher. As they lifted him, Ryan's head rolled back and a weak moan escaped him. Pam cried out and suddenly Jim's firm hands were on his shoulders. Blood seemed everywhere.

An oxygen mask was placed over Ryan's face as they began to take him away. Right away the officers stepped in and began question everyone. They allowed Pam and Jim to follow the paramedics down the stairs.

A few of the others insisted to go downstairs as well. The police right away asked who's handgun it was and got Packer alone. A third paramedic was trying to get Michael to sit up.

Downstairs it was snowing and freezing out. Pam ran to Ryan right before he was loaded in. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Please don't leave me!"

Ryan didn't open his eyes.

The paramedics asked her to step aside. Pam stood back watching and noticed they didn't put the sirens on. The backdoors were slammed shut and the ambulance pulled away.

Pam began to shake.

Jim came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Pam?"

Pam lowered her head and began crying.

Just then Packer was brought out in handcuffs.

The officers came out and began to question everyone. Pam's throat felt dry, her heart was pounding in her chest, and she felt sick to her stomach.

Just then Meredith began to throw up behind them. Pam couldn't seem to stop shaking.

"Why didn't they put the sirens on?"

Pam asked, starting out at the darkness of the parking-lot, she couldn't seem to stop shaking. Jim stared down at the pavement, feeling horrible.

"Come on Pam, let's get you inside. It's freezing…"

Pam at first wouldn't move, her legs felt like buckling. Closing her eyes, she almost fell before Jim's arm went around her waist. That's when she began breaking down completely. Jim held her, snow falling down on them.

_**2007 November**_

Pam sat in the backyard of her parent's house dressed in slacks and a brown sweater. Her hair drawn back into a tight ponytail. Sitting on the grass, surrounded by beautiful different colored leafs. Laughing, she sat Indian style watching Ryan clean her parent's in ground pool. Dressed in jeans and a black hoddie, he used the pool net to skim the surface of the pool that seemed covered in fallen leafs.

Ryan shook his head, his boots standing on the edge of the pool as he lifted dripping wet leafs and threw them over his shoulder.

"Why didn't your parents close the pool back in September?"

Pam shrugged, playing with a single leaf in her hands.

"My dad's back has been bad. Besides it's been pretty warm out."

Ryan raised an eyebrow looking over at her.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you go on in and take a dip?"

Pam giggled standing up.

"Why don't you?"

Ryan grinned finishing the job. Pam slowly snuck up behind him before pushing him. Ryan overbalanced, his eyes widening.

"Whoa!"

Right before he fell off the edge, he grabbed Pam who screamed, both went crashing into the freezing cold water together. Once both surfaced, spitting up water both started cracking up. Ryan's hair was slicked back, and Pam's was dripping in her face. Both laughed swimming over to each other.

Ryan splashed Pam, laughing before swimming over to the edge and helping her out. Both rolled onto the grass, soaking wet and freezing. Pam began cracking up before Ryan playfully shook his hair on her. Both laughed together, before Pam's mother stepped out onto the back porch holding two cups of coffee.

She looked at them as if they were crazy.

_**Later that day… **_

Pam sat on the edge of the tub upstairs in her parent's house. Dressed in the old robe she usually left in her bedroom, she brushed her hair out and smiled as Ryan pulled the plastic curtain back. Pam got up, moving towards the vanity before using her hand to wipe the fogged up mirror. Finishing brushing her hair, she glanced at the reflection and saw Ryan wrapped a towel around his waist.

Moving towards her, he smiled before taking his inhaler from the sink and pulling the trigger and taking a good puff. The two were planning on spending the long holiday weekend at Pam's parents. Downstairs Pam's mother was all ready starting to bake for tomorrow morning. Pam's father was at the lodge with a few of his old work buddies.

Pam grabbed a pair of sweats and a long sleeve shirt before eyeing Ryan as he began getting dressed himself. Staring at him, she couldn't help but smile.

They had been together now for a whole year, things couldn't seem to be more perfect.

"I love you."

Pam said out loud, smiling as she tugged on her shirt. Ryan turned, smiling.

"You do huh?"

Pam smiled.

"Yeah…I do."

Just then a knock came on the bathroom door, making both of them jump.

"You two fall asleep in there? I made pumpkin pie!"

Pam's mother's voice called out.

Ryan and Pam smiled looking at the door. Pam rolled her eyes.

"In a second mom!"

Going over to Ryan, she wrapped her arms around him and brought him in close. Smelling clean soap off him, she nuzzled her face against his neck.

Once they were downstairs and dressed, Pam's mother made them both sit down to a warmed baked pumpkin pie. Sitting together in the kitchen, the two nodded in agreement with their mouths full as Pam's mother smiled and fussed away at the stove. In the middle of chewing, Pam looked over at Ryan and smiled. She watched as Ryan woofed down his slice of pie and smiled up at her mother when she brought him over a glass of milk.

Once they were finished, Pam got up, bringing the dishes over to the sink and yanked under her hand. Ryan got up and rubbed her shoulders.

"I got it."

"You sure."

"Yeah, I feel like I need to work off the five pounds I gained my eating it."

Pam's mother laughed, playfully hitting him with a dishcloth she had in her hands. Ryan laughed before turning on the sink. Pam laughed, but yawned again. Ryan looked at her as he rolled up his sleeves.

"You look beat, why don't you catch a quick catnap upstairs?"

Pam smiled before looking at her mother who nodded in agreement.

"You do look tired dear, why don't you go upstairs for a little bit."

Pam smiled before nodding, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. Walking over, she kissed Ryan on the cheek before leaving. Ryan began washing the dishes before hearing her footsteps go up the stairs. Pam's mother then turned towards him smiling, wiping her hands on the dishcloth she had.

"So what did you need to talk to me about?"

Ryan took a deep breath before setting the dishes down.

"I'm going to talk to your husband tonight when you and Pam are out…but…well look."

Ryan quickly dried his hands before digging into his pocket and taking out the tiny black box, opening it he showed her the ring.

Right away Pam's mother smiled. Ryan smiled back, slightly nervous before raising an eyebrow.

"Do you think Pam will like it?"

_**Later that afternoon…**_

Ryan opened Pam's bedroom door before looking in and smiling. Pam was sprawled out on her bed and fast asleep. Ryan stepped in, looking around and smiling, thinking of how Pam grew up in this room. Walking past her old framed sketches from high school, he slipped off his shoes and crawled into bed. Smiling, he laid beside him before gently kissing her arm. Laying beside her, he put his arm over her and smiled.

Christmas…yeah he would propose on Christmas.

Shutting his eyes, he fell asleep.

All the meanwhile Pam was dreaming she was in the Dunder Mifflin parking-lot at night. She heard police sirens, and her hands were covered in blood.


	10. Chapter 10

_**2007**_

_**Later that night…**_

Pam sits completely motionless in-between her mother and Ryan's mother. Her eyes stare off into space while Ryan's mother nervously twists her hands together. At one point Pam thinks she hears her praying, looking on her other side she sees her mother holding her father's hand…her eyes worried.

Jim sits across from her. He has a cup of coffee in his hands and he looks just as motionless and dazed as her. Anyone who sampled Packer's drinks were brought to the hospital and given a shot. When the doctor rolled up Pam's sleeve, she asked feeling her sides shake what exactly he was giving her. The doctor gave her a warm smile before sticking her skin, telling her it was just something to make the room stop spinning. Pam now felt tired, her mind slowing down.

Karen was taken by the doctors, she couldn't stop throwing up. The doctors told Jim she would more than likely be fine but they wanted to watch her. The others are down at the police station making statements. Dwight and Michael at first were headed to the hospital when the sheriff pulled them aside and asked if they didn't mind coming down to the station to speak with him. As far as Pam knew Packer were arrested.

It all seemed like a blur.

This was the Christmas party from Hell…

Pam was thinking about earlier, back when things were okay. How the usually craziness went on before the party, and how Ryan had proposed on the roof top as snowflakes fell in his rich dark hair. Staring down at her ring it dawned on her she hadn't even told her parents she was engaged.

She had noticed her mother looking down at her hands but didn't say anything. It didn't seem right. In fact, as far as Pam knew Ryan could be dead…this meant this ring was nothing but a broken promises. She didn't expect this night to end like this. Shutting her eyes, she couldn't believe this. Going back all the way to that drunken night when Ryan had been kind enough to drive her home, when they two of them had blacked out and spend the night making love. How the next morning he had lunged at Roy who was twice his size and screamed at him never to hit her. How they had shared coffee, and suddenly didn't feel awkward or weird, in fact they felt as though they had known each other for years.

How she was able to break away from her old trapped life and started a new one with Ryan.

She wanted tonight to be special. She wanted to lay in their bed back home and gaze up at her ring day dreaming of her perfect wedding, greeting him down the ail. It seemed so funny, earlier today she was wondering if this morning's love making had resulted in an unexpected pregnancy…now her fiancé, her best friend, and soul mate might be dying on the operating table.

Just then the swinging doors opened, the doctor appeared wearing scrubs. Right away everyone shot up. The doctor walked over before putting his hands on his hips. Right away Pam felt Ryan's mother squeeze her hand. Pam felt her heart freezing up.

"He's going to be fine. The operation went fine. He lost a lot of blood, and we had some trouble keeping him stable but he should be okay."

Ryan's mother clutched her chest, relief spilled out onto her face.

"He's going to be okay?!"

The doctor nodded.

"Like I said we had a hard time stabilizing him, but he's fine. He's sedated, but he should be okay."

Pam felt a hand on her shoulder and saw it was Jim, she was grateful and the most sudden feeling of relief swept over her. Right away Pam gulped.

"Can I see him?"

_**24 hours earlier…**_

_Blood, it's all over her hands. She hears a loud heartbeat, it echoes all around her. Snapping her eyes shut, her knees buckle and she falls into the deep darkness that now surrounds her._

_Blood, it's all over her hands…_

Pam snapped awake, right away her eyes widened before she blinked and stared up at the ceiling. Taking a second, her heart pounded in her chest. Taking a deep breath she eyed the clock radio on her nightstand and knew it was just another dream…

Sighing, she rubs her face with her hands. Her head is killing her. Looking over, she sees Ryan fast asleep beside her. He face looks so peaceful in the darkness of their bedroom, so handsome. Pam smiles, looking at him before snuggling in close. Tomorrow is the dreadful Dunder Mifflin Christmas party…

Smiling, she remembers last year. Snuggling in close to him, Pam rests her head on his chest and slowly closes her eyes.

He always keeps the nightmares away.

Still smiling, she faintly hears his heartbeat.

_**The next day, that evening in Michael's office…**_

"Bad mother fucker…"

Packer said, pretending to aim the gun. Ryan looks up just in time, he's sweating badly now and feels sick to his stomach. The gun goes off within a second and the loud crack shot echoes through the small room. Ryan sits there and feels pressure slightly knocking him back in his chair, almost making him sit up straight. He blinks, almost in disbelief before looking down at himself.

Right away an ugly soaking red stain begins to form over his white button up shirt. He gulps, looks at everyone and sees their shocked expressions. He stares at Packer, gun smoke still thick in the air and blinks.

He looks down at himself again and sees all the blood.

He's been shot.

Everything begins to fade away, he feels blood gurgle up in his throat. He can't believe any of this is happening.

He hears screams, but everything seems so distant, the lights are too bright, and he feels cold.

Then he hears Pam.

Pam, he wants Pam. She'll make it all better. He feels her hand grip his and he begins to feel himself get pulled away. He tries to stay, but it's so hard.

He isn't ready…

He can't leave her…

_**Present**_

It's morning.

Christmas morning.

Snow falls from the clear white sky.

Pam is able to see him first. She's exhausted, and her makeup has now since run and dried. Before going down the hallway Jim shuffles his feet and tells her he hopes Ryan is okay. She's grateful for that but can't seem to make herself smile.

She enters the room, slowly opening the door. She peaks in.

He lays in the hospital bed, the covers up to his waist. There seems to be at least ten different things hooked up to him and a small monitor shows his pulse, it's weak but steady. He has oxygen feeding into his nose, and she sees an IV bag of blood on a pole.

She feels sick.

She slowly walks over, rubbing her arms. She takes hold on the chair beside the bed and slowly eases herself into it. She gulps, before brushing her hair away from her face and holds in a cry. This wasn't how she expected to spend Christmas morning.

He looks so pale.

She reaches and takes his hand, remembering that morning after they first slept together and how Ryan had lunged at Roy. Feeling her heart ache, she clears her throat.

"Ryan?"

His eyelids slowly flutter, the doctor explained to her he would be sort of groggy when he first woke up. Finally his eyes open, exposing those brilliant big blue eyes. They seem slightly dazed before she blinks and looks at her.

His eyes clear.

"Pam?"

His throat sounds worn, Pam bites down on her bottom lip to control herself. She squeezes his hand.

"Yeah baby, it's me."

Ryan blinks again, looking around the room before looking back at her. Pam feels a single tear rolling down her face. She picks up Ryan's hand and gently kisses it before putting it against her face. Shutting her eyes she finds comfort.

Ryan's fingers slowly press against her face and tickles her skin. Pam laughs, sniffling in before opening her eyes.

He's smiling.

"I was so scared…"

She says, feeling herself shake. He looks at her, still smiling before finding her hand again and holding it.

"Don't worry Pam, I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

She laughs through her tears and this makes this smile.

She doesn't leave his side the rest of the day.

_**One week later. **_

Ryan sits up in the hospital bed. Pam is in a sweater and slacks, she lays on the bed beside him. Her arms around him and her head resting on his shoulder. They're both watching TV, it's New Years Eve.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

Pam smiles as everyone on the TV screen begins to cheer. She lifts up her head before looking at Ryan. He sees better now and in a couple of days will be able to go home. The doctors said he was lucky.

"Happy new year Ryan."

"Happy new year Pam."

They kiss before Pam rests her head on his shoulder again, smiling and squeezing him as tight as she can. Ryan sits there, feeling better and knows the real reason he held on…

He had somebody to live for.

Smiling, he lays back with Pam and stays that way for a very long time.

_**The End**_


End file.
